He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Randomize
