I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
