Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
