bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
