i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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