I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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