My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
