do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize