totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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