Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
