Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
