I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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