My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
