peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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