i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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