all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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