my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
