I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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