My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
