what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Randomize
