he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
