your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
