I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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