well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
