Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
