At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
