:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
