I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
