Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
