I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
