We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
