I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
