my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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