If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize