dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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