I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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