if you like me you must not know who I am
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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