Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
