Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
