all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
