id be glad to
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
