he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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