I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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