we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
