Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
