We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she smelled like a LAN party
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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