I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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