I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
