a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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