So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
