Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
