wake up i wanna do it froggy style
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
