:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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