remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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