Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize