i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
