I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
