Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
