she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
