do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
