weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
