I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need water and some morals
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
