I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize