3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
