So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
