i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
