my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
