I'm pants shitting drunk right now
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize