Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
