apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
