One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
