The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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