and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When did angry sex become our thing?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
