I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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