i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
