I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
