I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize