he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
