paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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