Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize