I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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