But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
