Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
