Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Randomize
