she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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