Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
