Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
