It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
