Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
