I'm lost and stupid without you.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
