Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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